PBB2: Another instance of poor writing

I’ve just finished scanning the Pinoy Big Brother Season 2 website and found myself wanting to grab a pen and start editing the story copies on the computer monitor—if it’s at all possible. Here I am sitting in front of a computer debating with my conscience on whether I should, once again, “punish” the web writer for heinous copy. What’s funny is, the writer, whoever he or she is, is already leaps and bounds ahead of me not only in terms of age and experience but also career-wise. I mean, he’s working for ABS-CBN. The closest I’ve ever gotten to writing for the giant media organization is through my father, who worked there but quit due to what he called “unfair labor practices.” But I don’t want to meddle in that, so I’ll pick on the nasty story copy on the PBB2 website instead.

Here’s the original story on the “sharing session” between showbiz son Bodie and Mommy Yen, both housemates of the second season of Pinoy Big Brother.

“Some people can only dream of being popular, but what most don’t realize is that fame can also be an obstacle in life. This is what Bodie has to live with almost all his school life as the showbiz son get cozy with Mommy Yen in the living room during a lazy siesta time. Bodie recounted how bitter he was during his high school and college, and how his assertiveness was used against him by his professors. Modesty aside, Bodie said that he was a straight-A student, however, his being a son of movie icon Tirso Cruz III seemed to have magnified almost everything he did, much more the not-so-good things. One time, when Bodie protested the relief of their music teacher whom he liked so much, his teachers and fellow students branded him of being arrogant.

“Mommy Yen asked Bodie if his showbiz descent became a challenge for him as student. Bodie said that he experienced more pressure from his schoolmates than his professors. However, it was his rough attitude that somehow backfired at him back then. Bodie recalled how he gave his all for him to have good grades and graduate with honors, but his teachers unfortunately included conduct as one of the qualifications for students running for honors. Upon learning this, Bodie had already anticipated that he was not the valedictorian. The one who got the top honor was his friend whom his teachers have already favored since the school year opened. Now we have gotten to see another side of our showbiz housemate. It was great to learn however, that Bodie had learned to put the past behind him. Probably now that he is in the PBB house, his former schoolmates may have realized how Bodie was affected by the series of events.”

See anything wrong with the story? I do. Glaring grammatical errors fill the screen. Here’s how I would have rewritten the copy.

Some people dream of being popular, but what they don’t realize is that fame can be an obstacle in life. This was what Bodie had to live with almost all his school life, the showbiz son shared with Mommy Yen one lazy afternoon.

Bodie recounted how bitter he was during his high school and college days, and how his assertiveness was used against him by his professors. Modesty aside, Bodie was a straight-A student, but his being a son of movie icon Tirso Cruz III seemed to magnify almost everything he did, especially the negative. One time, when Bodie protested the relief of a music teacher whom he admired, his teachers and fellow students branded him as arrogant.

During the sharing, Mommy Yen asked Bodie if his showbiz connection became a challenge for him as a student. Bodie replied that he had experienced more pressure from his schoolmates than his professors. He added that his rough attitude had somehow backfired on him.

Bodie also recalled how he gave his all to get good grades and graduate with honors. But his teachers had unfortunately included conduct as a qualification for students running for honors. When he learned of this, Bodie anticipated that he would not become valedictorian. The student who got the top honor was his friend, whom teachers favored since the start of the school year.

It’s great to learn that Bodie has learned to put the past behind him. Now that he is in the Pinoy Big Brother house, his former schoolmates might realize how Bodie was affected by the series of events.

My copy’s still a bit off. It’s not my intention to destroy the credibility of the writer. I don’t see myself as an expert in the English language. Even my dad, who has worked as a writer and editor for different media organizations, is subject to editing. My point is, by writing that way, the ABS-CBN staff might be teaching fans of the show the sort of English pervading our education system today. For a professional organization that prides itself in news and current affairs, that kind of writing may prove damaging.

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3 Responses

  1. Well done Cesky!!! They should’ve printed your story instead :).

    Personally, I’m not a big fan of newspaper-like writing when it comes to talking about celebs. It’s entertainment for God’s sake….put a little humor and lessen the formality….they’re not writing for National Geography. Think “Rolling Stones” magazine–now those writers know how to introduce a celebrity! Hun…do me a favor when you get your break….don’t dull up your writings like that web writer with a poorly written story. You know you’re worth every reader in the planet :)! Have faith. Have faith!

  2. go and apply for his position.hehe.ur good.

  3. hmmm, i will just keep quiet…you saw them first.
    and this is from the giant station…i wonder…

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